Why I’ll never shop on the high street again

That’s it. Never again, I vowed to myself as I pushed through the throngs of the 21st century zombie apocalypse, otherwise known as the shop floor in Oxford Street’s Topman. Never will I set foot on this godforsaken street again in search of the latest fashion, I thought to myself as I drop kicked a zombie (tourist) on my way down to the tube.

I only came in to buy a t-shirt, now look at me!

I only came in to buy a t-shirt, now look at me!

It’s not just the people that are the problem. I’ve always struggled to enjoy shopping on the high street for one particular reason. I can never find what I want, and if I do, it is never in my size. Fair enough, my gangly frame (with added beer belly) is hardly Mr. Average. But at a 32 waist (ahem) and a medium in shirts – I should hardly be shopping at Jacamo! It’s why ever since I had my first debit card I’ve shopped online. In particular, I use ASOS. Not only is the selection of clothes on offer enormous in comparison to even the largest flagship stores, but the speed with which you can get things delivered now is so impressive. For instance, I spent a couple of hours on and off yesterday lunchtime and evening adding to my basket. I ordered at 8PM and it was delivered to me the next day at around 3PM. That’s under 24 hours. Why oh why would I ever waste my weekends trawling through masses of crowds, only to end up empty handed and disappointed? The only reasonable excuse my friends give to me as to why they shop on the high street is because they can try things on and try new styles out. But with the advent of services such as Thread – where they designate you a personal shopper, who trawls the internet and suggests new styles to you using pictures you have on Facebook – we needn’t ever have to step foot in the in-store chaos again. So be it if the high-street is on its way out. In fact I’d go so far as to welcome the fact that digital rings the death knell for certain high streets. Because the ensuing zombie apocalypse is too much for this man to handle.